huiyi

byebye

2010-03-08T03:16:00.000+08:00

moved:

luhuiyi.wordpress.com

see you there.

坚强。

2010-02-11T10:26:00.004+08:00

有一种感觉是言语无法形容的，

叫做心酸。

untitled.

2010-01-31T19:55:00.003+08:00

there once was a man who had to go somewhere very far away, and so he put on his best pair of shoes and began to walk.

at first he made good progress, but then he made a wrong turn somewhere and soon found himself deeply and truly lost in a deep and dark forest, in which no light ever shone.

he ploughed on, weary and frightened, and made a good many more wrong turns, and got more and more confused each time.

he spent many weeks travelling in such anxiety, till he saw a beacon of light in the distance and realised that he must be close to a way out of the forest.

he ran towards it and burst out of the woods. he took in his surroundings and realised that he must have spent the past weeks walking in circles, for strangely enough, he had managed to return to his home, from where he had begun his journey initially.

his neighbour looked wonderingly at this man's bedraggled, exhausted self. his neighbour decided to do the polite thing and not comment on his poorly appearance, and so he minded his own business, walked to the main street, and hailed a cab so that he could travel in comfort to where he wanted to go, somewhere very far away.

there is no moral to this story.

because life is short

2010-01-30T23:18:00.001+08:00

NO REGRETS.

back to schooooool

2010-01-11T08:03:00.004+08:00

this one month of school vacation has been packed with all sorts of things. they just kept coming one after the other so i didn't have time to blog properly about each of them, but i don't want to forget it all so i'm going to cram it all into one super-condensed blogpost. :)

mainly i was at nusco camp, bhco concert, xmas celebration with rachel and vanessa,usc foc meetings, nuspa work, going back to tjdebates, hanging out with pooks, usc productions camp, movie outing with sister, and meeting other awesome people. had quite a lot of fun this holidays although i was so busy! i feel like i've just fully settled into the holiday mood so it's a real drag to have to start school again, sigh.

leaving for my first lesson of semester two in twenty minutes. :( four more months to the long break! haha.

if someone loves a flower

2009-12-27T01:28:00.002+08:00

从前我们喜欢排排坐争着嚷着吃着糖果
分不清楚时就都爬树去谁爬的高谁分的最多
如今我们不吃糖果甜蜜的话是听的太多
大家笑着争个死活谁爬的高谁掌声最多

从前我们喜欢团团坐猜谁的枕头里梦儿最多
说不清楚时就捉迷藏去谁藏的好谁掌声最多
如今话儿是兜个圈子说猜谁的口袋里名片最多
你我都爱把眼泪藏起谁藏的好谁掌声最多

从前我们喜欢一块坐听著奶奶把她的故事说
奶奶说完了都到院子里去看天上星星不停闪烁
如今人人都亲热得多转过头就把你来数落
谁的心没有默默地痛过满天的星星也疲倦得多

we cannot turn back time, there is no alternative but to move forward and make the most of what we have now.

-_-"

2009-12-16T14:02:00.003+08:00

today, some sales promoter came to my house, and the first thing she did when i opened my door was to stick a ballpoint pen in through the grilles and scribble on my wall. My nice, white wall which my mum had spent ages painting just a month or two ago. She wanted to show me how effective her wall cleansing solution was. the sponge she used to wipe off the ink must not have been very clean though, because while she did get her ink stains off after a while, she left black marks on my (newly painted white) wall.

great way to make sure i waited to see her demonstration, but worst way ever to make sure i actually entertained any thoughts of buying her product.

X__X

2009-11-23T13:39:00.001+08:00

finals start tomorrow!

was too tired to mug late last night so i slept by midnight, and was plagued by a whole series of nightmares involving me having forgotten to buy stationery to use in the exam, being late for the exam, being all the way at ADM block still even though the exam had already started at MPSH, and so on and so forth.

trying to finish cramming in sociology stuff before tmr's paper, arghhhh.

can't wait for 3rd december when finals end :)

muggitude.

2009-11-11T12:36:00.004+08:00

spent my morning today completing the last couple of pages for a sociology reading and listening to the webcast lecture for the same chapter. i meant to be rather more productive this morning but i guess it's a good thing that at least something got done! :) i suppose i'll try and study some more for sociology when i get back home from afternoon lecture. today's lecture looks as if it's going to be quite comprehensive and useful since it's a review lecture, so i'm hoping it'll be the worth the three-hour bus/train ride to nus and back. (:

byebye semester!

2009-11-05T20:14:00.004+08:00

week twelve! :) one more week till the end of the semester, then the dreaded week of finals, and then holidays! can't wait. (:

nothing very much to talk about, life is pretty much alright but rather uneventful. trying to work up the willpower to study hard, looking for new jobs and sources of income, and generally being in a reasonably decent mood because the semester's ending and i'm really looking forward to the december holidays! haha.

final midterm paper

2009-10-22T02:29:00.003+08:00

south asian studies midterm exam on friday which i am ridiculously unprepared for. i keep getting distracted, and even when i try to focus i cant absorb the important points from my readings. i think my brain is saturated from four straight weeks of mugging for all my various midterm exams. cannot fit in new material already.

am very tempted to just go in unprepared and flunk this paper, but you and i both know i won't because i'm a good singaporean mugger and even if i can't memorise anything, i will die trying during my four-hour break tomorrow before nusco sectionals. kiasu-ism has been deeply entrenched in me after a decade and a half of formal schooling.

on a side note, went for picnic lunch with kerry eve bernice huili michelle at botanic gardens today. (: had a really good time in which we barred ourselves from conversation related to school and studies and other stressful rubbish. we should do this again soon! and um. we saw two birds frenching! i didn't know birds could kiss. unless they were helping each other clean the interior of their beaks or something gross and practical like that, but i'm sure it was a display of romantic feathered affection. heheh.

castles in the air

2009-10-19T10:20:00.007+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I should have accepted that SMU law offer after all. I rejected it because the workload would be insane and because I doubted that I would be able to handle the stress of going into the profession after I graduate, but it's a decision I regret now.

I chose arts and social sciences because I wanted to be governed by my passions, but the courses I'm taking right now have pretty much eroded my previously overpowering interest in various fields. I don't know what I want to do in the future anymore. And perhaps, on another note, it is just as well that I didn't go to smu, since I'm already struggling to maintain a mediocre standard of performance in a supposedly less competitive and stressful course. I believed that I would fare better in arts, as I always have, but the demands here are very different and I don't know how to satisfy them, and I don't have many people to ask because I don't have a lot of friends here anyway.

I chose dunman high over st. nicholas after my PSLE because I liked chinese orchestral music and it was the former's niche CCA, although my parents preferred the second option. I chose Temasek JC over an elite institution because I had a great time in my CCAs during my first three months there. I've always followed my heart in such decisions and it has never failed me, so please don't start now.

Am I being an ungrateful egoistical discontented whiner? I don't know. Okay, south asian studies revision now.

numnums.

2009-10-13T01:28:00.005+08:00

awfully nice naan bread wrap i had at buona vista today. its like naan bread wrapped around an omelette, a hashbrown, fried chicken, tomato, cucumber and mayo. tastes like ramly burger on naan bread. ^^

week nine. can't wait for semester one to end!

sociology lecture webcasts now, byebye.

melodramatic: a growing recognition of fragility

2009-10-12T12:47:00.003+08:00

as i realise how truly and deeply flawed i am, and as i realise how very low my thresholds are, i begin to fear the prospect of insanity.

more than almost anything, i am frightened of losing control of my mind, of falling apart mentally.

elearning

2009-10-08T00:33:00.004+08:00

e-learning week. no lectures! heheh.

actually, there are lectures lah. but they're uploaded online. so i can pretend they aren't there for the time being. ^^

had english midterms on tuesday. it was one of those exams where you kind of don't really know how to feel about it. because you kind of don't really know how you're going to do. scary shit. but ah well. at least i studied hard for it!

the only downside of elearning week is that since tutorials are still ongoing, i have to make three-hour round trips to school for a one-hour long class, and sometimes i get terrible four-hour breaks that are uber sian!

sociology midterms next week! it sucks a bit that i start midterms when everyone ends, but at least i got more studying time before the papers lol.

mugmugmuggggwheeeee.

take it all apart

2009-10-01T23:03:00.003+08:00

school has not been going well this week.

taking an evening off today simply because i can. facebooked, practised erhu, didn't study, and will be going to bed before midnight. the feeling of not studying, and not feeling guilty about it, is very refreshing.

i will be happy.

sycochamber

2009-09-20T01:55:00.002+08:00

just got back from syco chamber concert, last syco concert of the year actually. its been an interesting year. ^^

now, time to really settle down and stardeeeee! recess week now!

like that, lor.

2009-09-16T11:45:00.004+08:00

i was looking forward to university but now i just can't wait for this semester to end. and im trying and trying but it is not working and i am sick of this whole charade.

aiyah dont want to think about it already. don't care don't care don't care.

M to the U to the double G E R!

2009-09-08T18:23:00.004+08:00

some belated thankyous!

to my family for the wishes and the gifts, to rachel vanessa and wanting for the present, to eve and 2807 people and pooks and debatedarlings for organising and attending the swensens birthday surprise for me and chloe, and to everyone who wished me. you all made my birthday a special and very happy one! (:

the fifth week of school is a bit of a drag because i have this huge backlog of work from when i was doing public policy challenge last week. it was good to have gotten to work with eve kerry chin on that because i love discussing stuff like that with them, i get very stimulating discussions that way! haha. but nonetheless, absurdly stressful because we all had to balance prepping for the competition despite having tons of commitments on hand. but it's over now, thankfully! sadly however, now im left with this avalanche of work from week four, and some the week before that uggggh. stayed up at night to try and clear some of it because i didnt want stuff to pile up and then die during midterms, but that just made me so so sleepy today. i was like this walking zombie (michelle say yay!) today, i practically fell off a slope while going to business faculty lol. today was a day funnier in retrospect than when it was happening, thank goodness for hanging around with good friends which made it better.

tuition up till ten thirty and a tutorial i have Not prepared for At All first thing tmr morning! meh. eleven days to recess week! which i know full well will not be a slackerweek but at least i can probably wake up at ten then wahahahaha. XD

blahhhh.

2009-08-30T22:10:00.001+08:00

not having a very good day, or couple of days. a bit overwhelmed by studies, probably cos im expecting too much from myself, and maybe im doing it wrong because it doesnt seem to be working out, i'm not really understanding whats going on in my modules and it worries me. and i feel guilty when im idle, which is so not cool because life shouldnt be all about mugging. i think too much studying really makes you damn square lah, my unvaried lifestyle makes me feel like a bit of a drone already.

realised that my schedule would have been perfect, only i forgot to allocate myself some time to have a life. may drop an activity or something, which is a shame, but i can't enjoy it properly when im so stressed anyway.

will probably start feeling a little less stifled after october, when my tutees end their final exams and my tuition jobs come to a close, though how on earth i will get money then is beyond me haha, given the spendthrift i am. but the prospect of my tuesdays and fridays being freed up is something to look forward too nonetheless.

don't know how to express it, but i feel like im constantly running in a hamster wheel. feeling like im all worried over nothing and very afraid that all my efforts will amount to nothing eventually. i won't think too much that just aggravates my unreasonable paranoia. i think i tend to magnify my problems anyway, because i dwell so much on them until they become little soap operas prancing around in my mind until they finally get resolved.

but i don't want you all to think im some bipolar patient or overconsumed by my angst, so ill share with you all the bright spots in my week. i had dinner with my sister on friday night, who had swensens vouchers, and we had an absolutely sinful and amazing dinner. she offered to take me out to dinner with her vouchers because she could see that i was a bit down. ^^ thanks! and on saturday, nusco practice was pretty enjoyable, and the song we played was nice, so it was worth the three hours journey there and back. so really, i have no reason to be complaining, but i have to justify my nationality. XD

the darker side.

2009-08-23T23:57:00.004+08:00

the screams were heartrending, raw, and painful to hear, and cut through the night like a knife. we strained to see out of our windows, like so many other neighbours, outsiders trying to catch a glimpse of a private and tragic sorrow.

it is impossible to convey how terrible it all seemed. i could not see the goings-on, but the cries were horribly hysterical, wild and yet very human. there was an edge of desperation and you cannot hear something like that without feeling any emotion.

while i was caught up in my little ambitions, delusions, and miseries, something happened that reminded me that there are others out there suffering worse than i could ever imagine.

i hope they are fine.

saturday.

2009-08-22T22:19:00.005+08:00

met some of the 2807 girls today! i havent seen them for like months, so it was good to catch up and talk to them. i felt quite uplifted by their company really, thanks guys. see you all again soon! (:

studied at coffeebean with yixiu for a bit before we got chased out. there will be a tactful lack of comments about their no-study policy here. we shopped around for a bit, then i went home and studied some more. (can you say mugger?)

supposed to do more work now but getting sleepyyyyy. ): lots lots lots of readings! haha.

genuine.

2009-08-20T23:40:00.000+08:00

i was so glad to see you guys today. i've had a pretty rocky start to school and i'm not feeling too good about things, and hanging out with you guys is like a respite from all of that. (:

busy day tomorrow. sleep now!

i give up.

2009-08-20T00:06:00.000+08:00

everything went wrong today and i felt so helpless i just wanted to burst out crying. and they were all minor details that any decently mature person should have been able to rise above but i'm oversensitive and weak and everything i shouldn't be, and so i refuse to deal with it anymore.

back to school

2009-08-19T11:33:00.000+08:00

suddenly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of readings we have! time to get down to studying, haha.

lonely

2009-08-08T14:57:00.002+08:00

he went to many different places and stood at the fringes of these foreign worlds, longing for entrance. sometimes he hung shyly by the sidelines waiting for an invitation, and sometimes he went straight into the thick of the action and attempted to mingle. but he was still lonely, and he did not fit in anywhere, and no amount of forced laughter and awkward small talk and sitting there pretending he was enjoying things was going to change the fact that all he was feeling was a forced idealism that had gone sour over time.

self-centredness

2009-08-02T00:08:00.003+08:00

i will count my blessings and remember that the biggest limitation that i have to overcome is the self.

SYCO beautiful sunday performance at the botanic gardens tomorrow! (: i havent been there since nus challenge shield last year when we napped on the grass and tried in vain to befriend black swans (HAHA). hope the performance'll be good! ^^

sugarrrrrush.

2009-07-31T22:18:00.000+08:00

syf presentation concert at the esplande on thursday was quite interesting! it's been ages since ive worn our comfortable and very familiar teejay uniform and it was so fun to get to wear it for teejay's item. syco's item was enjoyable also! after performing i went back to teejay to get my erhu case and cabbed off to nus from there (byebye sixteen dollars). had bidding for modules, which took me till nearly four am (O_O), then joined my OG for rag till five, then slept for around three hours.

was obviously totally shagged in the day, and so i revived myself with RED BULL. RED BULL GIVES YOU WINGS. like seriously. i had this huge sugar rush from it and from the candy the OG got, which powered me through my afternoon tuition class. and now im home and ive settled bidding for now, at least till the next round, and sugarrush is over and im tired tired tired and ready to crash out on my bed. yawn.

tomorrow ill get some rest because next week is probably going to be full of good stuff too! (:

a little bit empty, like nothing's wrong but nothing's right either

2009-07-26T23:01:00.010+08:00

went to watch harrypotter with my family yesterday evening. i really don't mind deviations from the plot because you're going to need an effing long movie to stuff in all the details and developments from the book, but unnecessary deviations are just, well, unnecessary and kind of annoying. (coughginnyweasleycough) but tom felton looked good and played his part really nicely so my inner fangirl is content.

except for aforementioned unnecessary additions to the movie development (coughhackGINNYcough), it was a pretty good movie in my opinion. and the soundtrack was very nice too. loved having some family time, hardly get to just unwind at home with my family now, so some time out with them is always much cherished.

today i spent the day out with the pooks: moses, boonwei, dawn, huiling, michelle. full outing! had such a good time with them. kbox and lunch, then minds cafe, then dinner with the girls after boonwei and moses went off to the glorious world of army. i miss them all so much, it's always so enjoyable to spend time with them. next outing soon soon soon. mid-august perhaps? (:

syco rehearsal tmr, uni talk plus usc orientation stuff plus erhu lesson plus tutoring on tues (wow!), camp plus syco prac on wed, usc orientation camp plus syco performance on thurs, camp plus leaving early for tutoring on friday, and bidding for modules sometime during camp. am not a very happy camper because i have to keep running away from camp for stuff, and i'd have liked to be there for the whole thing, but i hope itll all work out nicely and i wont miss too much of camp stuff or look like a half-dead cow onstage on thursday.

because of all my conflicting schedules recently, which, to be brutally honest, have hindered me from enjoying each individual activity as much as i would have because it was either closely followed or interrupted by the next, i am starting to see the need to clear up my schedule a little. (she sees the light at last! haha) i don't think it's so much about stress threshold and time management but that when i really want to do something, i tend to really put a lot into it and i don't like to give less than my all, and i can't do that when i have too many things going on. it's just my personal working style, i don't like to do things by halves. besides, im starting school soon. prioritisation seems to be in order.

want to think less move slower and take things less seriously.

and here we go!

2009-07-20T10:49:00.002+08:00

very packed fortnight ahead, with uni stuff-rag and oweek and talks and (very very irritating and confusing) admin registration payment whatnots, syco performance, tutoring, and perhaps adhoc work. and of course, one or two get-togethers with people i love. (:

go me!

headache, had it since last night, very annoying. panadol is friend.

stuff! (entry completed 18july)

2009-07-13T01:58:00.028+08:00

It's been a really packed and really memorable week! Will share with you guys what Ive been doing, and I've got some pretty photos too!

1) Helloooo unemployment!

I've been teaching Social Studies and History at HIHS for the whole of Term Two, and two weeks of Term Three, or rather, from late March till last Friday. It's been a really rewarding experience, because I learnt loads from it and met quite a few friendly nice people! Had tons of fun with my classes too, because they were so vibrant and cheerful. (:

I made cards for Mr Er and Mrs Krishnah, who were pretty much like my mentors through the whole thing, and guided me through my work, both in terms of teaching and administrative stuff. I hope they liked them!

Also did cards for my classes! These two were for 3Humility and 3Faith. I forgot to photograph the ones I did for 3Integrity, 3Charity, and my History Elective class. I'm so glad to have gotten the chance to teach these bunch of students!

And this is my cubicle in the staffroom! its actually the table of the teacher who i was reliefing for these couple of months. pretty nice really! (:

i've been incredibly lucky to have gotten this job for the past few months, but it'll be good to become a student again soon! since im going into arts, im glad i got a taste of teaching since its a possible career. but thats a farfarfaraway concern though! byebye hihs! it was great being there, and meeting so many amazing people, from the admin staff to the teachers to the awesome students.

2) Wedding dinner

Went for a cousin's wedding with my family too! I think it was last Saturday. I really enjoyed spending the night with my family. Family time is loooove! (: Can't wait till the next time we go out together, which will probably be to watch the Harry Potter movie. We've always watched the movies as a family, and I can't wait to catch the latest one with them!

3) USC Freshman Orientation Camp

i just got back from camp yesterday, so i havent gotten my hands on the many pretty pretty photos our ogls took for us. it was from the 14th to the 17th, and it was way, way better than i'd ever expected! we had brilliant ogls and an uberly fun OG, delphi. I had a blast taking part in all the activities with them, since everyone was so enthusiastic, and we were all spontaeneously doing stuff like singing baabaablacksheep in rocknroll style, and what not! Our group was pretty suay though, we had quite a few injuries and illnesses surfacing, but it was really amazing how the members who weren't well either ploughed through the activities or, if they had to go home to rest, tried really hard to make it back for some more of the camp whenever possible. I can't wait to see the OG back in full force when we go for things like rag and o-week! ^^

we did loads of stuff, and one of those i enjoyed most was the trip to pulau ubin! its the first time i'd been there actually, and my totally unfit self had so much trouble keeping up with the others, but there were members who totally looked out for me, offering to carry my bag and checking to see if i was okay. had an insane amount of fun there though, as i did in pretty much all the other activities. yay for camp!

4) looking forward to....

outing with the pooks next sunday because i miss you all so so so much! :)

Am currently sick now but will get better soon soon soon. Got a cough, and had a fever this morning, but I got rid of the latter after some medicine and SIXTEEN (!!!) hours of sleep today. LOL!

i will sneeze evil little flu bugs on you and they will eat your brains.

2009-06-27T16:14:00.005+08:00

yes, i have the flu.

and yes, this is the part where you all start screaming, SWINE FLU! and run far far away.

i started feeling unwell yesterday and so i spent the evening overdosing myself on indecent quanities of herbal tea and googling swine flu symptoms and panicking over how i do have them. but regardless of what it was, it couldnt beat the magic that is herbal tea, cos im nearly better! i just have this bad cough that hopefully will disappear soon, especially since i start teaching again on monday.

to be on the safe side, however, i didn't go out for the whole of today and missed scholaris, which is my usp briefing thingy. ive spent the day at home, surfing the net, and exercising social responsibility lol. i really hope it was just the ordinary flu bug though, ive been meeting alot of people very recently you see.

put on your facemasks people. i have phlegm on my side, and together we're unstoppable!

they only take the best.

2009-06-23T19:18:00.003+08:00

we are helpless against the relentless flow of time.

you are missed even by acquaintances like myself. i hope you're at rest, and i hope that those you have left behind will be strong.

my mum.

2009-06-22T23:26:00.001+08:00

your strength is manifested in the everyday things you say and do, and that makes you beautiful.

grow up lahhh.

2009-06-15T23:55:00.000+08:00

adjustment to something new is never easy.

this too shall pass! (:

psyducks, camp, rag, reception, laptop.

2009-06-11T08:14:00.004+08:00

keeping busy! (:

met chin and kerry over the weekend. its been ages since we properly went out and been our crazy selves together. had a nice meal and played arcade. i miss them loads! itll be good to be all starting at the same uni together.

been at tjco camp for the past three days and i had quite a lot of fun! (: and i got to say hello to my debate juniors, cos theyve been having training in school for the past two mornings. but i was really exhausted by the time i left on wednesday morning, so i took all of two hours to get home because i kept oversleeping on the bus! am so so sorry to rachel who called me when i was napping, asking me to meet her before syco reception at 430, because i woke up, answered her call and agreed to meet, and then promptly went back to sleep and retained no memory of that call at all, so she was left waiting for like two hours. HAHA.

on the second day of camp, after urban hike, i had to run off to nus usc rag briefing, and the people were really nice and funny, but now i'm worried that i cant fit it into my schedule. ): will see how it goes lor. whatever will be will be! i cabbed back because clementi is so far away from bedok, and i was tired. im glad i dont live in the east because it's so far far away from nus that travelling to school must be an absolute drag!

syco reception was fun but i was way too tired to fully participate. but now that ive gotten a full night's sleep im up and going again! (: tuition later at ten, and after that im going to the pc show with my sister! havent hung out with my sis in a while. im actually very excited by the idea of buying a laptop wahaha.

and i want to get a new handphone! and contacts! :D so extravagrant ahaha.

空虚并非是词汇能够形容的魔鬼

2009-06-06T01:02:00.004+08:00

i've been feeling rather lonely and empty lately. i think all of us long to be loved because we want to be of some significance and value to someone else. we're all selfish and so very vulnerable in that aspect. the need to be needed is really a very human weakness.

hello all you little people!

2009-06-04T15:44:00.004+08:00

there's nothing much i have to blog about, so i'm just going to share this lovely quote i stumbled upon when i was re-reading chunks of the great gatsby last night.

"...he must have felt that he had lost the old warm world, paid a high price for living so long with a single dream. He must have looked up at an unfamiliar sky through frightening leaves and shivered as he found what a grotesque thing a rose is and how raw the sunlight was upon the scarcely created grass. A new world, material without being real, where poor ghosts, breathing dreams like air, drifted fortuitously about..."

i was struck by how just a few sentences can convey such an overpowering sense of tragedy and vulnerability. it's such a brilliant extract, isn't it? (:

pooks!

2009-05-24T09:00:00.002+08:00

spent the day out with the pooks yesterday! (:

hung around with moses and boonwei in the day spending ridiculous amounts of money on jap food and arcade because there wasn't much else to do. then we had dinner with dawn, and mich joined us for supper afterwards. i was pretty tired but i still had loads of fun! it's been ages since we met up since we're always so busy with work or ns or stuff, so i'm awfully glad i got to spend time with them!

i'm looking forward to the end of this coming week because that means JUNE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE! no work for a month!! (: (: (:

i don't want to be here.

2009-05-22T21:08:00.001+08:00

i hate this.

i can't make you see the world the way i do.

2009-05-22T10:33:00.003+08:00

it's like everyone's stuck in their own little boxes and can't get out and see anything else, and when our perceptions are so different, unyielding and narrow, finding common ground is hardly a possibility. sometimes we have to let go of our idealism because people are volatile and imperfect and made-for-movie conclusions are not very possible. sometimes we have to know that the best is not possible and to take a step back and accept an alternative. and sometimes we must understand that there are things you cannot change because of numerous factors, so instead of futile resistance, just let it go and let it pass.

and i think that instead of leaping into a conflict that will not create any real change and just a lot of happiness, sometimes it takes the bigger person to swallow your grievances and let them be, and to understand that they are the way they are because of so many factors and so many issues. it takes even more for one to look within, and even when one has been wronged, to find the areas where one has made mistakes and work on those. you can't alter how other people think, but you can improve yourself by altering your own flawed ideas and behaviour.

why waste such a lot of negative emotion and spoil relationships by bothering so much about petty conflicts? just because one side is raging and vexing doesn't mean you have to be provoked into anger too, but once you do it becomes a vicious cycle that takes ages to die down. sometimes we have to appease and not fight back. it's not about being a pushover. it's about family.

but i feel like i can't get through to anyone. i know we all are victims of our circumstances, and that we are all suffering in our own ways. but all it takes is that little bit of effort to climb out of your little box, abandon your skewed perceptions, and see the world from each other's eyes. is it so hard for all of you?

i want to run away.

just so that everyone knows what huiyi's been up to.

2009-05-07T10:58:00.004+08:00

today i saw a beautiful quote on one of the noticeboards in the 3hum classroom.

"You can never love people as much as you can miss them."

it's true, isn't it? and i think that sort of longing for something or someone you have lost must be one of the saddest things ever, which is what lends an element of sorrow and wistfulness to that simple line.

---

i'm deliberating over university choices.

i was really lucky. smu law actually made me an offer, although i thought the interview didn't go too well. and i've got an offer from ntu multilinguistics. but i'm having a lot of trouble deciding. i don't know where i want to go in the future, and whether going into law just means a lot of work that i'm not going to enjoy.

and at this point i want to follow my heart although i don't really know what my heart is saying, and even if it is saying something i need quiet and enough peace of mind to listen. i don't like being pressurised into the tried-and-tested road. i don't want to regret the last phase of my formal education, so i'm taking very very long to decide! i'm probably going to wait and see how my nus application turns out, and then decide when all the cards are laid out in front of me.

--

today i was stunned by the lack of respect that i was shown. i was also rather appalled at the my lack of control despite being the one in a position of authority.

--

i'm a bit melancholy over everything and anything and nothing really right now. i think it was because i went back to see tjco for syf yesterday, and while i was elated over their results (and i still am, it's like the first thing i told my office friends when i saw them today, haha!), it struck me that i have nothing to be passionate about anymore. and this isnt a sudden realisation but something that has been bugging me for a while, ever since i started working. in school i had so many things that i loved and would do for free. i was extremely passionate about debate and CO and thoroughly enjoyed my time there. but now that im out of school, i can't find that sort of feeling and commitment that my school activities gave me anymore. it appears to me that adults are more sedate and self-interested, and so is the rest of the working world. cannot laaaaah. i'm still young at heart, how to grow up? haha.

(:

2009-05-07T10:52:00.002+08:00

TJCO GWH! (:

all of us alumni were so nervous for them when the results were announced! and i think they played really well and i'm so so so happy for them that they got the award they've been slogging so hard for! the atmosphere was really high after the results were announced. i bet they aren't going to be able to think about much else for the next few days. XD

i'm looking forward to the concert!

goodstuff (:

2009-04-27T23:41:00.003+08:00

had a very stressful workweek last week, but now its over and hopefully this week will be good!

had loads of fun at hihs today. lunched with the skiving seven, and fuquan baked amazing cheesecake! (: so nice right! im going to miss my colleagues when they leaveeeee. looking forward to hanging out with them tomorrow!

syco was good today too cos the atmosphere was very relaxed and high, and i finally got to talk to a lot of xyz people that ive never got a chance to talk to, which makes me happy. (: i think i might have come across as a bit of a madwoman, but thats because im very easily excited. debate darlings who have seen me play mario wars on gladia's laptop should be very aware of that fact! XD

and when i got home i found ntu acceptance letter for multilinguistics! which is a real piece of luck cos i've been fretting over universities lately since im not getting any response. yayness!

hope tmr's a good day too. tues is a busy busy tutoring day!

weeeek.

2009-04-05T21:27:00.004+08:00

had my usp interview on thursday! i hope i did alright cos i'm not very good at interviews. and on my way back from nus i saw haw par villa. it's still open, right? if it's not closed down or anything, anyone wanna come with me and go visit it someday? i've never been inside and i think it looks really interesting. i was so tempted to get off the bus and go exploring lol. i don't see enough of singapore's tourist attractions anyway, which is rather disgraceful in my opinion because singapore is so small and i've been here for nineteen years now!

friday i made myself uberly broke by buying this lovely book on political systems from some display in hihs. it was quite an impulse buy, and i usually dont buy books (libraries are there for a reason!) but i didn't think i would get this in a library and i quite liked the look of it. it summarises pretty much the political systems of the world today, and not only am i pretty interested in that sort of thing, but i need to build up on my general knowledge as well. i haven't been reading up enough! but anyway, it's so new and beautiful! and im currently at that semi-obsessive stage where i open the book at a twenty degree angle and panic at the slightest mark on it. am very happy with my purchase! LOL.

saturday i went to judge midcs round two. very interesting experience! met chin, and dude i am so sorry about the two volkswagen beetles, but there was noone else around that i could whack when i saw them, so heheh. anyway it was really good to catch up with you! (: and i was so happy to see the teejay debaters and mr veera too, though we didnt talk much cos i only saw them during break and when they were leaving. oh and i had this really funny (and embarrassing on my part) encounter with jacob, cos he was the first person i saw when i walked into vjc, but we just kept staring in this confused way at each other cos i didn't dare to say hi in case he wasnt jacob but just LOOKED like him. HAHA. altogether a very enjoyable day! ^^

am getting regular headaches now. very annoying intruder into an otherwise event-filled and interesting week! i think its cos im not getting my solid nine hours a day now. but i come online in the evenings and then i start chatting or get on fb or something, then i don't have the discipline to log off at ten and go to bed like a good huiyi should. HAHA.

on a side note, i miss my pooks! sorry that im so busy with work that its hard to meet. and i know that since you guys are the most avid readers of my blog yall will see this sooner or later. and i also know that you all miss me too! XD

rain! (:

2009-03-29T16:28:00.009+08:00

The weather's been absolutely ghastly for the past few days! It was so ridiculously warm and I was sweating buckets everywhere I went and getting so irritated. I was so glad when it started raining today. Maybe that'll put an end to the unbearable heat. I think the hot weather really got to me because I'm used to constantly being in an airconditioned office environment all day.

Last week, I started relief teaching, which is actually a very nice change from the admin work I was doing earlier this month. I've been learning loads and I hope I continue to like the job. (: I've also been in a frenzy rushing about settling university applications. But it's mostly settled now, thank goodness, so that's one big thing off my mind!

going to have dinner and then i've to head off for tuition. will update sooooooon. byebye!

I CHOOOOOOSE YOU!

2009-03-18T00:50:00.002+08:00

THE MSN CONVERSATION THAT PWNS ALL MSN CONVERSATIONS, ALSO KNOWN AS THE DAY SANITY WENT ON STRIKE.

huiyi: huiyi i loved you first
dawn: -Daybreak-
moses: Simple Pleasures [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04]

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: venusaur calls in reinforcements

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: MEWTWOOOOOO!!!!

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: I CHOOOOOOSE YOOOOOOU

-Daybreak- says: i bring in JEAN PAUL THE BARNEY

-Daybreak- says: BARNEY CRUSHES ALL

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: .......

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: YOU CANNOT

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: its in a different world!

huiyi i loved you first says: PSYDUCK EATS JEANPAUL.

-Daybreak- says: barney HYPERBEAMS you!

-Daybreak- says: =(

huiyi i loved you first says: JEANPAUL IS DEAD

-Daybreak- says: jeanpaul sits and POUTS in psyduck's ginormous stomach

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: huiyi's ginnormous stomach*

huiyi i loved you first says: OH PIG

huiyi i loved you first says: PSYDUCK WILL DECIMATE YOUR MEWTWO

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: PSYCHIC!!!!!

huiyi i loved you first says: PSYDUCK WEEPS TEARS OF LOVE THE WAY ASH DID IN THAT
SAPPY MEWTWO MOVIE AND THEREFORE PWNS MEWTWO JUST LIKE ASH DID.

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: HE DID?!

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: :(

-Daybreak- says: ...ASH DID NOT

-Daybreak- says: PIKACHU WEPT THOSE TEARS

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: ok i call in mew then :D

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: HAHAHAHHAHAHA OMG DAWN
KNOWS?!

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: OK HUIYI SUCKS

-Daybreak- says: yeah. i don't know why but i do -.-

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: HAHAHAHHA omg funny

huiyi i loved you first says: mew is stupid

-Daybreak- says: JEAN PAUL TRIGGERS PSYDUCK'S GAG REFLEX AND IS PUKED OUT

huiyi i loved you first says: its this little cat thing

huiyi i loved you first says: PSYDUCK FEELS BULIMIC.

huiyi i loved you first says: HE PUKES ON MEW

huiyi i loved you first says: and i liked that movie!

-Daybreak- says: jean paul's ass flattens mew

huiyi i loved you first says: MEW MEWS HELPLESSLY. DIIIIEEEE

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: OMG MEW :(

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: GO DRAGONITE

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: i crush all of u puny asses under my foot

huiyi i loved you first says: YOU CANT HAVE ALL THE RARE SHIT POKEMON

-Daybreak- says: edward ICE BEAMS dragonite!

-Daybreak- says: it's super effective!

-Daybreak- says: it's a critical hit!

-Daybreak- says: dragonite faints!

huiyi i loved you first says: AHAHAHA

huiyi i loved you first says: i call METAPOD

huiyi i loved you first says: WHO HARDENS

-Daybreak- says: edward sees metapod and says "FOOD!"

huiyi i loved you first says: AND THEN WHACKS EDWARD UP SIDE THE HEAD

huiyi i loved you first says: DIE EDWARD

-Daybreak- says: edward CHOMPS on metapod

-Daybreak- says: ...eh wait

-Daybreak- says: edward eats fish.

huiyi i loved you first says: PSYDUCK FEELS CANNIBALISTIC AND ROASTS EDWARD'S ASS
OVER A FIRE AND EATS IT

-Daybreak- says: oops HAHAHAHAH

huiyi i loved you first says: omg lol!

-Daybreak- says: edward says "noooo cousin don't eat me! eat bulbasaur!"

huiyi i loved you first says: bulbasaur's already dead

huiyi i loved you first says: and now, SO IS EDWARD

-Daybreak- says: ...what's moses' pokemon

huiyi i loved you first says: dragonite

huiyi i loved you first says: LOL HIS KEEPS CHANGING

-Daybreak- says: dragonite died

huiyi i loved you first says: LOL

huiyi i loved you first says: DOES MOSES HAVE ANYONE LEFT?!

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: I HAVE GYARADOS

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: ROOOOOOAR

huiyi i loved you first says: THE WHAAAAT

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: DRAGON RAGE!

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: EVERYONE FAINTS!'

huiyi i loved you first says: metapod HARDENS AND YOU CANT AFFECT HIM

-Daybreak- says: jean paul uses THUNDER

-Daybreak- says: and gyarados DIES because it's super effective

huiyi i loved you first says: PSYDUCK SPONTANEOUSLY GETS A HEADACHE.

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: BARNEY SO CANT USE THUNDER!!!

-Daybreak- says: he so can!

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: psyduck is a loser

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: gyarados bites off psyduck's headachey
head

-Daybreak- says: sasha the bear is here to replace edward

-Daybreak- says: RWAR

-Daybreak- says: ..why am i using my stuffed toys HAHAHAH

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: yeah

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: JOIN IN THE POKEWORLD

-Daybreak- says: ok i choose JIGGLYPUFF

huiyi i loved you first says: PSYDUCK TAKES PANADOL BUT GETS AN ALLERGIC
REACTION. IT MORPHS INTO A LUGIA

-Daybreak- says: jigglypuff sits on lugia and goes 'wheeeeeee~!'

huiyi i loved you first says: lugia CHANGES THE WEATHER AND CAUSES A HAILSTORM
WHICH KILLS JIGGLYPUFF

-Daybreak- says: =(

huiyi i loved you first says: LOL

-Daybreak- says: but it's cute and fluffy

-Daybreak- says: you can't kill it!

huiyi i loved you first says: LUGIA IS NOT MERCIFUL WHEN THINGS SIT ON HIM.

huiyi i loved you first says: LUGIA IS A STRONG AND GREAT LUGIA.

huiyi i loved you first says: LUGIA PWNS ALL.

-Daybreak- says: he was just hitching a ride!

huiyi i loved you first says: LUGIA SAYS HE DIDNT STICK HIS THUMB OUT LIKE A GOOD
HITCHHIKER

huiyi i loved you first says: AND THEREFORE HE MUST PERISH

-Daybreak- says: JIGGLYPUFF HAS NO THUMBS

huiyi i loved you first says: THEN JIGGLYPUFF WAS DOOMED TO DIE

-Daybreak- says: jigglypuff is sad =(

huiyi i loved you first says: WA. HA. HA.

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: HAHAHAH WHAT THE HELL!

huiyi i loved you first says: HE'S DEAD LOL

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: HAHAHAHAHAH OMG

Simple Pleasures. [ΩcØ§qđo5o6 United] [s2s04] says: HAHAHAH HILARIOUS SHIT

ntu dorothy cheung

2009-03-15T08:28:00.004+08:00

it would've been nice to break, but at least we were close to it, and i felt like our team was pretty on par with some of the tertiary teams, so that's something to be happy for. (: and it was good to debate with chin and kerry again. it's been so long since we debated together! i miss the things we say and do, how we prep, and all our little quirks. yay for team psyduck! and thanks to weiting and nigel for coming all the way down! (:

also missed the feeling of debating itself: scribbling on cue cards, writing notes to my teammates during the debate, panicking before my turn to speak, losing my nervousness while giving my speech, trying to curb my bitchiness on the floor, running out of things to say at four minutes and fluffing my way through, giving a good speech and feeling exhilarated when i sit down, yadayadayada.

was absolutely shagged when i got home, since debate competitions are really tiring-mostly mentally i guess, but we also added some physical exertion to it by losing our way when going to the venue for round three and rushing about the place for quite a bit. it was a pretty long day anyway haha. and today im off to nus open house and comm dinner! looking forward to it cos i haven't seen hanliang and ronald properly in an eternity! see you guys later. ^^

today i need you more then ever, whoever you are.

2009-03-09T23:27:00.000+08:00

im feeling vulnerable today.

how nice of you to visit.

2009-03-09T23:01:00.002+08:00

do wipe your feet on the doormat when you come in. its alright if you muck it up, a doormat's a dime a dozen, and i'll just buy a new one at the cornerstore if you spoil it.

come in, come in, out of the cold.

fancy a cup of tea?

ready, set, go

2009-03-04T17:53:00.000+08:00

methinks it may be time for a change in scenery.

foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun.

2009-03-04T10:03:00.002+08:00

there's plenty of sunlight here today.

stuff

2009-03-01T12:29:00.004+08:00

went to watch debate juniors at st joseph's for JGs on friday. got there just in time with kerry to watch the firstopp speaker. it was good to see debatepeople i havent seen since forever like mariam and kerry and the J1s and the TAs and mr veera! and being there made me remember how much i miss debating, haven't done that or seen the tjdebate people since forever. hope the club continues to do fine. (:

and yesterday i went out with the pooks for the first time since forever. lunched then went to dawn's house and stayed till late because the rain was horrendous. i missed hanging out with you guys and it was so good to see all of you! (: (:

am getting pretty afraid of march six which most people are saying will be doomsday.

and i ought to stop coming online so often since im on the computer every single day of the workweek anyway. how unhealthy is that?

2009-02-20T20:29:00.001+08:00

Name: huiyi
Date: 2/20/2009
Colorgenics Number: 03172654

You have exaggerated demands on life but you are cautious enough to try to hide these beliefs from the outside world. You are covert enough to try to impress other people around you with your achievements and at the same time able to put on an act of pretending to be 'humble' - being the same as everyone else. It would appear, however, that whatever you are doing seems to be working out O.K.

You 'need to be needed'. As an idealist you are intolerant of anything short of special consideration from those close to you. If you do not get what you seek you are apt to become reclusive and you will close the doors on all those within your sphere of influence.

All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation. Your emotions run high - but even though you feel as if at times you are about to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be some favourite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.

http://goldinuniverse.com/

samson.

2009-02-07T23:45:00.002+08:00

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread
and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us
and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us,
not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

These lyrics are from samson by regina spektor, and i think its so beautiful. i keep replaying the song and its my current favourite! (:

BAH.

2009-02-06T11:51:00.003+08:00

been keeping busy, and all that.

on wednesday i took leave to go for my ear checkup at tantockseng. my dad was really nice and drove me there and back. i was so relieved to hear that the weird crackling static noise in my ears was just tinnitus. and i finally satisfied my subway craving wahahah. (:

today i'm on compulsory leave, so actually i haven't been working a lot this week. but i still don't like full-time work, and i really dread going to work everyday! i mean, working has always been part of my post-exams plan, but i just feel so confined with a desk job, no matter how nice the people are and how comfortable the environment is. i prefer tutoring, but beggars aren't choosers i guess. and because i seem to be perpetually working, it's hard to go out with friends, though of course my social life has pretty much dried up since everyone's busy working or in army or whatever. i keep remembering how mr fazli was telling us in math last time that we would hardly ever get to enjoy the sort of freedom that we would be experiencing after As, but i am getting very disillusioned with this so-called freedom! >:(

i know im being excessively whiny and bratty here. it's just a temp admin job after all. but i can't shake off the feeling that i'm wasting these few months when i wanted to do so many good things initially! all for the munny i guess, sigh. work makes me tired and cranky and hormonal.

RARRRRRGH.

whine.

2009-01-28T22:56:00.001+08:00

today, i went to work.

i stared at a computer screen and filed papers for eight and a half hours, got to know microsoft excel better than i ever wanted to, was so bored with the tedious facts and figures that i nearly dozed off, and left the office completely wiped out.

and then i went home.

tomorrow i will wake up at six and do it all over again.

i hate admin jobs.

):

random.

2009-01-16T21:18:00.003+08:00

workplace.

suspended in the glow of a computer screen
in an office chair for nine hours a day.
at eighteen, a maiden entry into the workforce,
and all for a stable monthly pay.

worrying over how work reduces my life
to humdrum punctuated by food and sleep.
finding home in a cubicle, life in dead documents,
and joy in a quiet machine beep.

yet maybe in times of dire recession,
this is an unworthy attitude.
exaggerating the woes of beginning a job
begins to smack of ingratitude.

and besides i do begin to realise,
that i need not painfully submit.
for if i do find,
myself in a bind.
well, all i have to do is quit.

in other words, huiyi is busy, and overworrying. being busy however does have its merits and demerits. overworrying is just bad though. i totally need to stop overworrying!

i have a huge mcdonalds fries craving. mehhh.

huiyi and the seven resolutions.

2009-01-05T22:58:00.004+08:00

new year resolutions, a tad late, but at least within the first week of the year.

1) i will like myself more.
2) i will be more assertive.
3) i will worry less.
4) i will ignore stupid people.
5) i will be less open about my life.
6) i will be more accepting.
7) i will manage my time better.

yesterday me moses dawn huiling went out for dinner, and today i went back to see debate and teejay with kerry weiting and chin today and sadly it was all empty because the JC people haven't started school proper! been going out loads only i'm too lazy to blog about it. i'm broke but i like meeting friends! (: but other than that i haven't been doing much else that's productive with my newfound freedom. tsktsk. i feel like my hols are slipping away week by week and i better make full use of them quickly and do something meaningful! lol.

i am feeling a little used right now. rarrrh if people use me i will BITE them because of resolution number two! or maybe i won't talk to them because of number four. gosh my resolutions sure come in handy, haha. hate this feeling though. silly people.

boredom breeds poems of the same name.

2009-01-03T16:59:00.003+08:00

Boredom
dedicated to chin and his dying computer.

Four fifty-seven P.M.
no games, no youtube, poor connection.
Haunting MSN on a ratty computer,
an afternoon of hahas, lols, and emoticons.

technology used to be a lot more fun.
at least it would be still
if your computer wasn't ten years old
and well over the hill.

i used to be cool and interesting
and maybe i still am (i wouldn't know)
since now im so horribly bored
and my frustration's starting to show.

my friend would write me poetry
entertainment for the bored online.
if it wasn't a blatant mockery of me
i would deem it just fine.

they say wednesday is a couple days away
yet it is an eternity of misery
boredom is a consuming annoyance
that consumes and fatigues and irritates
and only when the new computer arrives (in a blast of shining light!)
will my misery abate.

ten minutes past five
and maybe huiyi should start replying me on msn
instead of writing bad poetry.

blah.

2008-12-22T11:46:00.002+08:00

yesterday i went back to dhs tanjong rhu campus for shicheng prac and gosh it's HUGE. i got off the bus and the first thing i saw was DUNMAN HIGH. then i looked left and saw MORE DUNMAN HIGH. then i looked left somemore and there was STILL MORE MORE MORE NEVERENDING HUGE DUNMAN HIGH! it's so so overwhelmingly big! and pretty and new(except for that maroon slab at the front which doesn't go too well with everything else). but places like the auditorium are totally the same as before! and i got this huge shock when i tried to open one of the audi doors, which was kinda wonky. so i moved the handle and it came off in my hand and i was like SHIT SHIT SHIT WTF. haha the percussion people had to screw it back on for me. but the rest of it looks spanking new and very nice actually! haha.

looong shicheng prac. i was sleepy cos i slept late last night. but the singers were very pro! lol.

anyhow ive been slacking around and i really really want a job. :( i'm already doing a bit of tuition but more would be good! going off with vanessa and rachel later to request relief teaching jobs from schools in our area. i hope we get something. i'm sick of reading classifieds and trawling through all those tuition agency websites searching for jobs haha.

cookie!

2008-11-29T15:26:00.000+08:00

my sister is baking marshmallow cookies. mmm-mmm.

(:

frustrated.

2008-11-21T01:29:00.003+08:00

one more weekend.
i'm so cooped up i'm going insane.
i will be patient.

tomorrow will be a paragraph-writing frenzy! come on huiyi mug a bit more, you're gonna miss it in the eight months of mindnumbing hedonism that's coming really really soon! all you people who dont get to end exams this week, work hard. THERE'LL BE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. A GOOD LIGHT, NOTHING LIKE THAT SCARY ONE IN USHER'S DEMENTED VAULT PAINTING.

...because moses demands it and it must be so! (:

2008-11-17T15:30:00.005+08:00

the petulant one has commanded that i blog for his amusement. well, anything to keep the petulant one happy.

anyhow. i am bored and whiny because i have an ENTIRE WEEK before my exams end and the euphoria of having only one paper has been diminished greatly by the fact that everyone's off having the time of their lives and i. am. still. waiting.

rarrrrh. btw you know, my sis told me that uni academic life is no less difficult/stressful than As, which kind of killed my happy delusion that if i make it through this year, i will never have to plough through so much work ever again. darn.

so so so so many things to do after As can't wait can't wait can't wait. hurry up 24th november!

given how i still have no life because exams aren't properly over i don't have very much else to blog about. so yeah, thats about it. hopefully this is enough fodder to satisfy the great petulant one for now. amused enough moses? (:

ramble.

2008-11-14T00:43:00.003+08:00

finished international history paper today which marks the end of my most horrible exam week. just paperfour lit left and it's all of eleven days away. i feel so liberated already haha. the feeling of relief i got as i walked out of school after my paper today is simply indescribable. a couple of weeks ago i felt so weighed down of academics and sick of studying and now i'm waiting for one last paper and i'll be really, really free! (:

don't think my exams went too well though. quite a number of screw-ups in the course of my exams. gp was weird, math was kind of bad, lit was disappointing, econs was so so hard (i HATE the CSQs!!!) and h2 history was an absolute fiasco. h1 history was mildly better than h2 (and really, it's not hard for it to be) but im not expecting any miracles for it haha. but nevermind i'll worry about it when we go back and get results next year! one more exam one more exam one more exam to go!

i think everybody's starting to feel bits and pieces of the holiday mood already. keep going everyone! i'm really feeling quite happy now even though As isn't completely over, lol.

anyhow, my right hand hurts when i clench it now. i think it's because i grip my pen really hard when i write and i was scribbling madly for three hours straight today because a fortyfiveminute time limit for an essay is really torment! battlescars. XD

need to clear up my room tomorrow. it's a horrible mess, you can't see my desk for all the random loose sheets of notes all over it and i have enough h2 history readings scattered around to carpet the floor. and the mess i've made from mugging has infiltrated the rest of the house too. there're dreadful little piles of work here and there and i think everyone's pretty annoyed because they've been lying around and being unsightly piles of rubbish for two weeks now. but noone's really told me off for it because when you're sitting for your alevels you're generally permitted to be a real primadonna. and you get to dump your stuff unceremoniously all over the place and be really insufferable and bratty about clearing it up. heheh.

anyhow i have to blog about this! i had the strangest dream ever a couple of days back. i was taking a nap on my parents' bed while studying, and then i had a dream about napping on my parents' bed while studying. HAHA. then i dreamt that my brother, who happened to be sleeping on the same bed both in my dream and in reality, rolled over and crushed my glasses which i'd placed on the bed next to me. so i dreamt that i woke up and began yelling at him, all "i have an exam in a couple hours and you smashed my glasses!" then i was about to go out and get them fixed when i woke up for real, panicked about my destroyed glasses, and then found them on my face.

hahaha i rarely dream at all, let alone have weird dreams, so when i do have one i make a big deal out of it! but i really do think it's an interesting dream. haha.

and i just realised that just about everyone has a post-As list of things to do. As are ending and i still haven't made mine! i'll get in on the trend in a bit. XD

bah.

2008-10-28T14:57:00.003+08:00

i'm going nuts over h2 history because it's so confusing and im so lost over it!

PUSHING THE PANIC BUTTON AS HARD AS I CAN, WHY ISN'T ANYTHING HAPPENING?

2008-10-23T21:22:00.001+08:00

ohmygoodness one week left.

DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.

muggerism is an acquired state of mind.

2008-10-15T23:20:00.002+08:00

huiyi really, really needs to get down to work.

argh.

come on huiyi!

so that noone can call my blog dead anymore.

2008-10-02T00:24:00.002+08:00

update update update.

actually i don't have much to blog about because there hasn't been very much going on. i've just been mugging and counting down the eight weeks before liberation! time's going way faster than i'd expected and you'd think i would be worrying about the fact that As are four weeks away instead of anticipating the conclusion of exams that haven't even begun.

there're loads and loads to cover before everything starts and i'm really unconfident, but i'm not gunning for specific grades really. my goal is to come out from the exam hall feeling like i've no regrets, because if i finish my papers feeling like i haven't tried my best, i know i'm going to spend the few months before release of results feeling like crap and if i get pathetic results it'll hurt much much more if i do deserve them.

wow it's nearly one. i only came online so that i could check my prelim scores lol. sleep now! (: nightnight.

stuff.

2008-09-03T00:38:00.006+08:00

thanks everyone who made my birthday special! for the nice wishes and presents and stuff. esp to my CGmates for the really thoughtful early present and to rachel and vanessa for the lunch and the cake that rachel insists is not a cake. its so nice to feel remembered. and i had a great evening celebrating with my family one day early on monday. (:

kerry and boonwei take the cake (pun intended) for premature birthday wishes! kerry somehow thought it was 2nd sept two days early, and boonwei, for reasons unknown, confused the chinese calender with the normal one. XD i was so so amused! thanks anyway lol!

most of the funstuff happened before the day itself though. 2nd sept was instead spent wandering around the tjc library doing h3 research. ah well.

also, fourleaves makes bloody fantastic chocolate cakes. really. they are SO SO GOOD.

---

on a sidenote, a couple of days ago i saw a mosquito on my bathroom wall. was about to kill it, and i suddenly thought,

Yet she must die, else she'll bleed more men."

This is a lit-student-friendly joke. i just had to mention it cos it amused me. (:

die trees die.

2008-08-29T10:10:00.003+08:00

i'm printing history notes! SIXTYTWO PAGES. O_o it's a lot of ink but they look useful and i think i really need them. if it helps any, i'm printing them double-sided to save the trees. (:

prelims in a week. i'm already counting down to the end of As! haha.

rantrantrant.

2008-08-06T22:18:00.002+08:00

need to mug but how when i reach home at six plus everyday, and my earliest day ends at four forty?

sigh.

:(

CLICK AND IT IS GONE LIKE THE WIND.

2008-08-05T23:33:00.003+08:00

STUPID STUDENTPORTAL WHY DO YOU KEEP EATING UP ALL THE ACHIEVEMENTS I PAINSTAKINGLY TYPE OUT WHEN I PRESS THE UPDATE BUTTON. WHY. WHY. WHY.

EVERYTHING JUST DISAPPEARS. I HATE YOU.

WHY DO YOU MAKE DOING MY SGC SO HARD? RARRRH TECHNOLOGY IS STUPID.

>:(

moaning myrtle

2008-07-31T20:42:00.004+08:00

i am feeling kind of lost, and rather irritable, over nothing much in particular.

sigh.

one month to prelims. must chiong!

ok back to studying.

i am updating because my blog is dead, but now it isnt anymore! (:

2008-07-24T22:23:00.003+08:00

i have no idea how it happened, but my email account happily sent out mail about a scam site to all my contacts. Its either a hacker, a virus, or that my email account has developed a soul and mind of its own. Like something right out of Poe, with things that shouldn't be alive and sentient becoming alive and sentient. Only that unlike Poe's works, technology is present here. -_-"

need to buy new shoes really badly because mine are falling apart, so i made a trip to tampines mall after school today. since today is my earliest day in the week EVEN THOUGH IT ENDS AT FOUR FORTY, whinewhinewhine. but anyhow, i was on the bus when i met the MOST IRRITATING teenagers ever. i've never seen students that made such absolute nuisances of themselves! they kept rushing about and jumping about like absolute maniacs, and screaming so loudly that their ear-piercing shrieks resounded through the entire top deck and annoyed the heck out of me even though i had my earphones on. it may seem as though as i'm describing a crowd of hyperactive five-year-olds but they're actually around my age. i think its a such a disgrace and discredit to both yourself and your school when you act as badly as that in public. It's understandable if teenagers are sometimes of higher spirits and noisier than most people when they hang out with their friends, but there are limits that should be kept to, and minimum standards of behaviour that you adhere to at least, so that you don't disturb the general public. when the bus turned into the interchange everyone rushed off the top deck even before the bus stopped, and we can pretty much guess why, huh? they were THAT loud and wild. and by the way, i haven't found my shoes yet so it was a wasted afternoon spent roaming multiple shoe shops.

so lazy today, so i decided not to do anything and blow away my whole night online. after Alevels i'll get to do that EVERY evening, but that's a long way away lol! huiyi must focus till the end and stop being distracted. haha.

i need to get things back into perspective. think less about insignificant things.

nine solid hours of sleep seems like a rare luxury. can't wait for national day holiday so that i can catch up on both sleep and work!

SIGH.

2008-07-11T18:51:00.005+08:00

i don't like being j2 very much anymore :(

these two weeks were spent baking VERY NICE PRETTY cookies for bw and moses, getting used to the very very tiring extra lessons, getting back my mostly disappointing JCT results, and going for CO farewell party which was fun. ^^ now i think im falling sick, and my life has become pretty much dominated by academic work (or at least, attempts to do work) which's really saaaad.

so much to study and only a little below sixty days to go before prelims! hafta settle down and mugmugmug for the remaining few months. life seems very boring now.

study study study.

HUIYI NEEDS TO GET A LIFE.

post-JCTs

2008-06-29T22:38:00.006+08:00

i developed some semblance of a social life and went for nyny dinner with moses bw dawn michelle huiling on thursday and a sleepover with them again on friday night! had loads of fun. been a long time since i went out for fun with friends. hopefully we can do it again sometime before prelims descend upon us!

and i cleaned my living room because it's been looking like crap ever since i messed it up while mugging for JCTs. it looked so good, i just had to take photos. i am proud of my newfound ability to tidy a room.

our black bookshelf, prior to clean-up:

said bookshelf, after i organised it:

and this is the "before" image of our wooden cabinet.

my school stuff is all supposed to be nicely put away in the cabinet but ended up unceremoniously dumped on the floor after exam mugging!

so i filed all my schoolwork properly and stored it all away, and tided up the cabinet too. ^^

my living room finally looks presentable! haha.i made our shoe cabinet and bookcase look somewhat decent too but i'm lazy to take photos. this should be enough to convince you that contrary to common belief, sometimes i can do stuff that will prove me to not be a slob. ^^

school starts tmr and i so so so so so don't want to go back and begin nine weeks of dreariness, lectures and remedial classes. sigh.

battle scars!

2008-06-25T23:44:00.006+08:00

8 history essays
3 econs essays
5 lit essays
1 gp essay

a grand total of
SEVENTEEN essays written for CTs!

i feel strangely accomplished. XD

anyhow i don't think i'm going to do very well, in fact i'm expecting pretty poor grades and i am kind of starting to get worried about them. history was a complete fiasco, and lit, gp, and math, the three subjects i was depending on, didn't turn out very well. and econs was as econs always is, haha. hugging buddha's foot is not a very smart thing to do. at least it's better to screw up my exams now than during alevels haha.

after i slack for a day or two i think i'll start catching up on work again. j2 life appears to be a never ending cycle! mugmugmug, exams, catch your breath, rinse and repeat. but anyhow JCTs was really a pretty good wake-up call of sorts because it showed me how much i have to work on so as to be fully prepared before prelims roll around, and now it's motivated me to start studying consistently. ohwell putting in hard work now will pay off later!

by the way, i was reading pride and prejudice for my lit paper this morning, and i was wondering, is darcy really the type of guy every girl longs for? i mean, in casual conversation someone might refer to her dream guy as a "darcy", but seriously, they just use his name as a general term for the ideal guy because he's the lead guy in a really famous and renowned classic love story. if you give a bit more thought to it, you'll find that he's not really very charming, even after he stopped being an arrogant prick. i wouldn't want a darcy haha. i mean, don't you think he's kinda dull? i bet you his dinner conversations with elizabeth will go like this:

elizabeth: oh look! we have chicken for dinner today! i will study the character of this chicken since the confined and unvarying nature of a country society gives me few subjects to study! (is pemberley in the country? whatever)
darcy: *thinks* i like her dark eyes and the intelligent expression of her face!
elizabeth: *insert witticism on chicken*
darcy: *thinks* pretty dark eyes!
elizabeth: *insert more witticisms on chicken*
darcy: *returns a witty one-liner on chicken*
everyone: HE SPEAKETH!
elizabeth: *makes witty response*
darcy: *thinks* i really like her eyes!

and that'd probably be all he would say all evening. i don't know, but i just think that he's so reserved and hard to fathom that he wouldn't be very fun or very agreeable to live with or get along with. silent-cool-emo-mysterious-guys-with-a-deep-dark-secret-past are only likable from afar, and in theory. like when they're two-dimensional and in an anime, or existing within a novel. would you want to spend your entire life with mr. gloom-and-doom? i wouldn't. he's like a giant wet blanket, only with tons of money.

and also, i wonder if true love exists.

everyone jiayou for your CTs! last two days and we'll all be liberated together!

early-morning mugging reeks of desperation.

2008-06-23T02:36:00.005+08:00

two thirty in the morning and i'm still studying for today's exam.

i am so dead.

tjcdebate (:

2008-06-20T19:02:00.011+08:00

all the good times from debate:

from mid-2007. the debate shortlist team with furqan, melody, mariam, chin, kerry, gladia, eve (not in photo) and me! ^^ coach howard's holding the donkey we gave him, lol. we named it drawoh, i just recalled. it was really really fun spending june2007 training with them. (=

this one's with two of our seniors, bibi and benedict. speaking of which, bibi always supported us alot and ben trained some of us during june hols too! and of course there're our other seniors but i don't have photos of them, but they made debate fun too. =) you can see howard's donkey better here.

the afungistan sisterhood! the team gave me many good memories. (: mayfly, fabulous, communist, psyduck and me (PRC DAISY XD. you all know who you are. ^^

we took this at midcs 07 too! i happen to quite like how this photo turned out. here you see howard holding my donkey (do not confuse with the donkey we gave him!). donkey's name is bonk! we carried him around during the competition and he went to farewell party last week too. everyone always says he looks dirty but i think he's fine haha.

me and my mei meis. hahahahaha. chin is going to kill me for that remark. anyhow the three of us did a lot of stuff and had quite a quantity of good times together! this is us during SAIDs, we went with our TA team. during the last bit of 2007, before we got a new coach, the three of us took over coaching for the TA team and it was awfully stressful but really rewarding. one thing to remember was our frequent and long conference calls to discuss stuff, and mostly really late at night too lol. must remember our pact ok! haha.

this was at ncs. after semi-finals we went and hung out at the botanic gardens, which was next to the competition venue. and we fell asleep on the grass next to the swan-pond, which was obviously pretty unglam, us in our uniforms and all. i'm putting this up primarily for kerry's entertainment, because it amuses her that gladia and i got caught in the exact same pose, and that i look totally horrible in this photo. anyhow gladia is my shopping trolley revolution partner! we're going to free all supermarket trolleys from captivity. oh and she's the mario wars champion player hahaha. XD i always have so much fun talking crap with friends from debate, lol.

my lesbian girlfriend. haha KIDDING. i just had lunch with her today! your friendship is very much cherished woman.

and our EXCO! kerry hanliang ronald chin and me. taken during farewell party haha. we don't have very many photos because we all don't camwhore. i think farewell party was the first time we actually took a photo together! it was really great working with you guys, and we definitely have loads of stuff worth remembering. u16s, pesa, oac fundraising, meeting after meeting trying to deal with everything, and all the other stuff. ^^ i <3 my comm!

i meant to do this earlier, but i was waiting for the last picture and also i didn't have time. farewell party last week was great by the way, thanks for organising it juniors! at least i'm fashionably late.

in the thick of exam season now. two days now, three more to go! work hard everyone. we'll have time to take a breather after next week. (:

priorities

2008-06-13T00:51:00.003+08:00

you know how charlie brown wanted to quit school to make his dog happy?

i think it's time i made a conscious effort to make my family happy.

because sometimes we don't really pay attention to things that are closest to, and the most important to us. and i've been neglecting my family and putting them in second place, behind all my commitments, and being really selfish in how i treat them.

on another note, debate handover plus farewell tomorrow, hope it'll be good. ^^

CTs!!! :(

2008-06-08T19:13:00.004+08:00

was talking to moses online:

we could be the talk across the town says:
you wanna go study?
we could be the talk across the town says:
my JCTs are in TWELVE DAYS
we could be the talk across the town says:
no wait omg ELEVEN
we could be the talk across the town says:
*runs around in circles*

yes ELEVEN ELEVEN ELEVEN. ><
studied with the 4a people yesterday. study buddies are good and great.
i am so full of pent-up energy now! mugging has made me restless and sian.
once this ends, we will have marking days and be merry. (:

personality test ^^

2008-06-01T13:10:00.004+08:00

snitched off tinghui's blog.

ENFJ - The "Mentor" Myers-Briggs Personality Types

ENFJs are externally focused, introspective, altruistic, positive and have excellent people skills. They place utmost importance on helping others grow. They are warm and have a natural desire to be supportive and encouraging. Being charismatic and posessing excellent language skills, they do well in leadership roles. ENFJs strive to enhance the lives of their human brethren.

ENFJ Career Matches
ENFJs are often happy with the following jobs which tend to match well with the Mentor/Visionary personality.

Accountant/Auditor
Actor
Administrative Assistant
Administrator
Artist
Banker/Economist (SEE THIS, PEOPLE? I CAN BE AN ECONOMIST K. WILL PROLLY WOW THE ECONOMIC SPHERE WITH MY FOREIGN RESERVES THEORY!)
Careers Counselor
Church Worker
Computer Specialist
Consultant
Designer
Diplomat
Editor
Engineer
Events Coordinator
Facilitator
Homemaker
Human Resources
Librarian
Musician
Nurse
Occupational Therapist
Politician
Project Manager
Psychiatrist
Psychologist/Counselor
Sales Representative
Scientist
Senior Manager
Social Worker
Teacher/Professor
Technical Specialist
Trainer
Writer

this is interesting! i like personality quizzes lol. dawn FYI this is the SAME personality type as johnny depp! hahahahah.

ohmygoodness i nearly forgot, PSC psychometric test is tomorrow. LOL.

exam fever!

2008-05-31T14:34:00.006+08:00

today's a nice rainy day and it's taking all my willpower to read othello and do h3 research.

been really diligent for the past two days. i mugged up lit and econs for a couple hours in school on thurs, and after dsa interviews on friday i sat myself down in the school library and worked at binomial theorem for three solid hours. but now my hardworking mood is unravelling because it's way easier to focus at school than at home. home is waaaay too comfortable for me to work, haha.

today i was trying to clear act two of othello, and getting annoyed at the entire play in general because i kept falling asleep while reading, and then i was telling my sister that actually, i kind of don't like literature that much anymore. quite surprising because i used to be really passionate about the subject! ironically, i think it was mostly h3 literature's fault. the study of literature now seems more complex and difficult and not fun like it used to be. i guess it's a blessing in disguise that i took literature in jc and at the h3 level, because it gave me a deeper insight into the subject and now that i know better, i'd definitely think twice about studying it at university level. not that i'm completely closing off that option of course, i'm still keeping my options open! ohwell.

i'm slowly but surely getting back into the frame of mind to study hard after one and a half years of putting my studies below other priorities. if i could keep it up during olevels i can survive these couple of months till As! haha jiayou everyone!!! we'll kill ourselves and deaden our minds studying for the next couple of months and believe it or not, it'll actually feel like it was all worth it when we get our alevel results next year. mugmugmugmugmug.

clique outing

2008-05-28T21:18:00.010+08:00

on monday we had 4a clique outing with huiling fangyun shimin louis boonwei michelle dawn moses, which was really quite fun! watched made of honour at the new ulu kallang mall. i don't understand why the guy lead seems so hot now when i thought he was unbelievably ugly as the prince in enchanted. at least, everyone tells me they're the same person but i see no resemblance. ><

so anyhow after the movie we went for dinner at nihon mura. no matter which mall we go to, nihon mura is a CONSTANT. and then since we were at kallang anyway, we decided to walk back to old dunman high and see how the place looked like now. it's been awfully long since i walked that path to dunman high. the place was still pretty much under construction and we couldn't see much, which makes you wonder when exactly it will ever be completed! but the gate's still the same. and the foyer's still the foyer, and the huge white block thingy at the side is still the same. i hope they'll keep it that way, since it's the first thing you see when you walk into the school, and i don't really want to go back there as alumni next time when it's done and not recognise my secondary school at all.

see? that's the gate! i snitched this photo from huiling and mich's blog.

from the back there was some MAJOR EXPANSION going on though. the campus's going to be so so huge when they finish it. there were still construction workers still at work when we dropped by and it was nearly nine pm already! they must've thought we were pretty weird. XD

we were looking at the half-torn-down structures in the dark, and pointing out that there was where the basketball courts were, and that side would have been the canteen, and so on and so forth. i love having been, and being a dunmanian. =) i remember how at the end of sec four i was so scared to leave and part with all the friendships i'd forged, and now i'm glad i left because although it's always hard to believe, when you close one door, a new one does open and there're many other good things waiting for you there. but walking along that deserted pathway back to tanjong rhu with the others made me remember alot of great times i had at school. the bulk of the best times for me would mostly be upper sec where i made alot of good friends in my class. now, i dont't miss secondary school life so much as feel nostalgic about it i suppose! it defintely wasn't perfect, and there were obviously times that were pretty crap, but what i guess i really treasure is how dhs taught me alot, and how teejay gave me even more and how i grew and changed so much through these six years.

okay sentimental moment over. moving on to today, i had the SCARY DAMN LONG FULL-DAY HISTORY LECTURE (!). waaah cannot tahan okay. my attention span in lessons already has trouble making it through one period, let alone hours and hours. eventually we got so restless at the very last bit, that it took so much effort to concentrate, and our row (puvana eve and tim) got slightly high and starting talking about what an interesting name rodolofo must be.at least we've gotten through it and covered all the stuff, thank goodness. tmr gonna study in school. hopefully we won't end up pangsehing each other haha.

study study study.

i want to go back and do everything all over again

2008-05-25T10:13:00.003+08:00

Woke up this morning with fragments of the concert songs still playing in my head.

now everything's over and i guess i'll move on and start studying.

vesak day :)

2008-05-19T19:39:00.006+08:00

today was a pretty fun day! i went out shopping with my mum sis and brother. we went to tampines mall, and my brother was so so bored waiting for us everytime we went into a store and looked at stuff or tried on clothes. got my belt for co concert and new flipflops too cos mine are kind of falling apart. i haven't been out properly with my family for so long! family time feels really good. ^^

we got nice huge family blocks of cadbury chocolate too. =)

i told myself that i'd do my maths tutorial once i got home but i'm such a procrastinator haha. i just don't feel like doing anything academic at all today. and not for all of this week too, come to think of it. lol.

tomorrow will be a busy busy day. (:

and it all comes full circle

2008-05-18T22:39:00.006+08:00

debate elections on tuesday,
tjco concert on saturday.

All things have to come to a close eventually.
Actually, in the long run, that's a good thing really because when you over-saturate yourself with too much of any one thing, it starts to lose its value. There will be a point where you reach your peak and that's that, and then you've got to move on and let new people take over.

I guess i'm ready to step back, and that i've done enough. and a part of me knows this but there's this other half of me that surfaces from time to time and wishes that we could just turn back time and that i could experience all this all over again. i guess acceptance doesn't equate to not missing everything that my CCAs have given to me over this short span of time.

At least there'll still be the good memories. =)

I hope this week goes by as slowly as possible.

i <3 my CCAs!

elections season

2008-05-10T00:07:00.012+08:00

Now that elections are round the corner, I was thinking about our 0708 debate committee. We’ve talked about it before, of course. We’re not a perfect committee. There’s no such thing as a perfect committee—every committee will have its own strengths and shortcomings, and its own obstacles to face. But personally I think that the committee does have a right to be proud of, and satisfied with, what it has achieved in its term. The existing debate exco has really worked extremely hard to hold the club together and keep it from just collapsing, and some of the most taxing things that we’ve done are not always the most obvious. I know we haven’t been the most popular committee due to the way we do things, but sometimes, there’s simply no other way for us, given the urgency and severity of the situations we’ve been in.

We have heard feedback about club welfare—that there is a team-club divide, and a distinct exco-club divide. The latter especially hit home when we heard about it, and we have done our reflections on it. If we could, we would include everyone. We would have fun debates every week so that everyone would have fun and anticipate debate sessions every week. We would spend our time designing club t-shirts and badges, decorating the notice board, having club orientation, and having outings and what-not. Don’t you think the committee wants to do that? The five of us do have a very active sense of fun, and we’d have loved to make debate an easy-going, really fun sort of club. We’ve tried—please note that the debate tee and badge that you see now are creations newly made by this year’s batch. They’re not long-standing items that we have failed to procure for the new batches. But the thing is, we had commitments that took precedence over club welfare. It may sound extreme, but when you have to work hard to even make sure that the basic functions of a debating club are met, club welfare has to take a backseat.

There are things that most of you don’t really know about. For example, after our previous coach, Howard, left for university, there was a span of time at the end of last year where the club didn’t have a coach. And that was a very real problem, because the end of 2007 was when all the secondary school competitions were happening, and when intensive training had to be done for the secondary school team because the JGs would be upon us at the start of 2008. We had no coach to do that. The seniors took over. The J2s were the ones who saw the TA team through Arena, through SAIDs. Kerry, Chin and I took over the responsibilities of coach. We proofed the speeches, organised training sessions, ran debates, did the debriefs, accompanied the team to competitions so that they could have someone to debrief them after each round. It wasn’t easy. We were just JC2s, fresh out of our own competitive season. We had our own work and things to worry about, but we became the unofficial coaches and ran everything, until 2008 rolled around and we got someone--But then there were problems with our coach. You might have heard bits and pieces about it. In the March holidays, once again, us seniors were the ones who handled the bulk of the selection trainings for the JC1s, amidst all our other commitments, and nearly killed ourselves with the stress of it. Add on the fact that MIDCs were shifted forward by three months this year, and you can see why we didn’t have the luxury of time to be inclusive in our training plan. We didn’t even have the resources to build up a decent team then, let alone worry about how club morale was. We’d have liked to, but we didn’t have much of a choice.

And then there was the funding issue, which not everyone was in the know about. The committee of 0708 was saddled with a funding problems from last year that hindered the way everything was run. We couldn’t be extravagant with hiring coaches and doing things. Why do you think we set up a drinks stall at the OAC Duathalon? Han Liang spearheaded the whole thing, and I’m sure he’d have preferred to spend the time doing something to bond the club, but we needed to fund-raise so that we could have something to run the club better with. This was the sort of thing that we constantly had to look at. Efforts to get money to pay off our expenses. The Under-16s had to be planned with immense care simply because we were hoping to raise funds from it to salvage our club and help foot its many costs. If not for the need to make a profit, we could’ve just spent every single cent of the registration fees paid by participating teams on the expenses of the events and broken even. The money issue was something that dominated the way we ran the club. It was a very great obstacle to us, and it’s something people have to take into account when they question why we didn’t do this, or we didn’t do that.

The committee had to deal with numerous tasks of great urgency too. I could, of course, have discussed Under-16s with the club before we ran it, to prevent misinformation and so that everyone knows what’s going on. But we were on a very tight schedule. There were so many things to deal with. We had to concretise the event and make sure that things were efficient, since it was only in its second year running. Event management, when put in this context, is no easy feat. The committee was extremely busy as it was. Now that we’ve set the event down somewhat, maybe the next committee can do it in a more engaging way, since we’re leaving you guys some resources and materials to help you on the way. But we couldn’t have managed it in our time with all the constraints. Same goes for PESA. If I’d waited till training each time to ask all of you what topics to choose, and to get all of you to do stuff, then PESA would be over even before I’d organised anything whatsoever. That’s the reality of the situation at hand at that time.

The new committee has to do better. Building up a strong club is a gradual process, and our committee found itself in the middle of a transition. Nigel’s 0607 committee had big, exciting ideas for our club that were first put into action in their time. This committee picked up where they left off and tried to improve things as best as they could. The next, upcoming committee must retain all the good stuff these past committees have come up with, and then build on it and make things better. What I’m just trying to say is that we have done our part as well as we could, and that while we’re not denying that there were some things that we didn’t achieve, it would not be fair to just blame us wholly, and neglect all the good stuff that we’ve worked on. You guys will understand for yourself the complexities of leading the club when you all become seniors. We tried our best and now it’s your turn.

2008-05-05T21:09:00.004+08:00

meltdown.

why don't you just cut me some slack.

someone has to meet me halfway alright.

was so worn out during sectionals today. thanks to nice nice xyz people and eve for her message. huiyi really, really needs to relax yeah.

2008-05-04T10:53:00.006+08:00

I really liked this year and it went by somewhat too fast, it would be nice to taste some parts of it again. It had its ups and downs and everything but it was really good, on the whole. There were some really bright spots in it. and now I have only a little below seven hours to savour the sec four, year 2006 me.

i was reading my archives and found this thing that i wrote at the end of 2006, where i was missing secondary school life and really dreading tjc.

i've changed a lot since then, and it's not exactly a bad thing (quite to the contrary, actually) but i guess when you move on and gain new things, you lose a few of the old things that meant so much to you on the way.

we don't talk that much anymore-sometimes i wish we still did.

moving back to the present, went for chamber concert on friday, a really good family dinner on saturday, and today i'm feeling so lazy because i haven't got that much work to do and cos the weather is so appalling. and on a random note, i kinda miss the debate team and debating in general. i guess i've just been thinking about it because we're all going to step down from our CCAs in less than a month and it's dominated a lot of my JC experiences, so it's kind of hard to pull away.

i feel like working out a study schedule for the twenty days i have to study for JCTs in the june hols. mug mug mug.

2008-05-01T15:05:00.002+08:00

why is the weather now so so hot? it makes it so hard to do any work! i want aircon. =(

anyhow, i'm really regretting h3 lit, but it's just too late to back out! sigh. going to plough my way through some renaissance lit-ish info book now.

i wish i'd worked at math last year.

2008-04-20T23:38:00.002+08:00

i am deeply regretting my choice of literary texts for my h3 lit paper, because honestly, the faerie queene is unreadable.

i must be the only h3 lit student in singapore who hasn't finished reading her lit texts when she's supposed to get a start on her research paper already.

a couple of weeks ago i had a dream in which i read this novel which was perfectly easy to understand and was extremely relevant to my theme of christianity in renaissance literature. and in my dream i was really happy cos i was thinking that i could use that novel as my third book, and then i thought, hey, wasn't i already using faerie queen, and then i woke up.

the immense usage of the letter e is NOT helping me to understand the old cheem language. seriously. the "ladie" is riding on her "asse". bah. shakespeare is so much easier compared to this text. how i'm ever going to get through it is beyond me.

stupid huiyi and her stupid text choices.

2008-04-20T15:07:00.002+08:00

this week we (debate) organised PESA and had the prelim rounds on wednesday and thursday, and yesterday had eastzone co concert. got quite some of my schoolwork out of the way too, so you can see why i'm feeling pretty accomplished this week.

was really worn out when i got home yesterday night but i stayed up anyway because i just HAD to try out the new computer! I <3 OUR NEW COMPUTER. it's new and spiffy and fast and everything that my previous seven-year-old borderline-senile computer could NEVER be. it screams, "LOOK AT ME I AM NEW AND FANTASTIC AND I DON'T HAVE BREADCRUMBS IN MY KEYBOARD!" i never realised how much i rely on the internet till the old computer died and i had to spend my breaks at the hub queueing for the shared printer.

now that i can go online properly again i'm blowing my sunday on mindless youtube videos and the like. i maintain that vitas is hot hot hot. opera #2 makes me feel happy when i listen to it. the guy has so much stage presence. ^^

okay i WILL go do my lit poem analysis now.

2008-04-15T14:59:00.002+08:00

i guess there're some things in life that you just can't change.

i feel like it's wrong of me to try to anyway,
but it doesn't seem right to just walk away either.

life is far too complicated.

am i the only one who thinks this is remotely important?

2008-04-06T14:15:00.002+08:00

I FINISHED PARADISE LOST. :) :) :)

2008-04-03T22:24:00.001+08:00

LIFE IS SIAN AND SO HUIYI WILL GO SLEEP BECAUSE SLEEP MAKES LIFE LESS SIAN.

XD

2008-03-30T15:14:00.005+08:00

after last night, i realised that i really must start thinking about other people more. i'm growing more self-centred and unkind. i don't want to be a person like that. i need to make a concerted effort to look out for other people more and be more patient and understanding, especially when they really need it, instead of just putting them aside because of my own selfish preferences.

on a more mundane note however, i finally finished my Great Cleaning Frenzy. spent the whole morning organising notes, notes and more notes. i've pretty much filed away the bulk of my academic stuff, and i'm feeling really pleased with myself, especially because i'm usually such a slob. ^^ maybe it'll be easier to get down to work now.

had a pretty interesting weekend. on friday i went to watch this SCO concert, then after that had sleepover at kerry's house with ronald and hanliang also to prepare billboards and logistics and stuff for our duathlon stall. i think kerry's neighbourhood has an active nightlife. like got quite a number of stores and stuff open even at 1230am. heheh. then yesterday i spent the first half of my day at the debate stall at the OAC duathlon. had fun hanging out with the debate people and selling our fruits and drinks, and we did pretty well in terms of sales. ^^ ecp's a nice place, i don't think i've been there for quite some time already. after lunch i was absolutely shagged cos i'd barely slept the night before, so when i got home i took a nap and became dead to the world.

didn't do any work on saturday, and i ought to be making up for lost time today, but now that i've come online i'm too lazy to do anything else. XD

huiyi must work on being a better person.

2008-03-26T22:58:00.006+08:00

Desiderata
Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

i like desiderata cos some parts of it kind of speak to me. i still can't see where some other bits of it are coming from but i guess it's the ones to which i can really relate that matter. the things i take away from it now are different from what impacted me the most in the poem when i first read it quite a while ago.

i am going to start believing in myself more and thinking and worrying a whole lot less.

2008-03-23T17:49:00.002+08:00

i'm trying to organise all my stuff today!

cos i've got, like, papers and stuff everywhere. piles and piles of stuff, and it's getting really hard to do anything with all the clutter. so now i'm filing and throwing out useless stuff. hopefully i'll get done soon. the fact that i even have stuff like u16s action plan drafts lying around when u16s ended a month ago says alot about how badly i need to clean up. and there's an ant in my econs file! why's it in my econs file? ><

now that we're getting into term two i really should start working harder. mid-years aren't that far away if you think about it (end of june!!!), and i've got quite a bit of stuff lined up next month so i better start working consistently instead of letting an avalanche of work overwhelm me at the last minute.

maybe tonight i'll stay up a bit and try to clear book three of paradise lost. it's not a horrible book or anything, but it's just so hard to get through because it's so darn long! the old language doesn't help matters much either. i'm not saying i loathe the book. in fact, when i was reading the first book, i was really inspired, because it sounded just like an epic movie on paper. but you kinda get worn out when you realise that you've, like, eleven more epic movies to sit through lol.

it's just not the type of thing i can read during meals and at random moments of idleness. i need a solid chunk of time alone, with no other distractions so that i can entirely focus, else i can't really follow the text properly. which is why i still cant get through it! i'm not really renowned for my great attention span and concentration you know. ><

in all fairness, i think it's such a beautiful story though. i hope i don't kill my research paper with that overly broad theme i sent in for my proposal. haha. later i read like mad then my proposal kena rejected by cambridge. that would be the ultimate irony.

anyhow, moving away from the sad state of my lit paper, the sun's setting now and i cant see it from my window, but there're flashes of bright orange and they're pretty. ^^

ahh back to organising my notes! go huiyi.